Sondra and Lexi

Thu 12-Jul-2001
Against all odds, family celebrates a year of life
Hlee Vang
of the Northwestern

Jim and Sondra McCarthy are celebrating an anniversary an anniversary of life.

A year ago, Sondra McCarthy, had a stroke. She was seven (six) months pregnant with her second child. On the same day, her baby was delivered by caesarian section and she had brain surgery. Doctors didn't expect mother or daughter to survive the high risk surgeries that were necessary. After surgery, Sondra McCarthy went into a coma for two (one) weeks. Their premature daughter, Lexi, faced several complications.

A year later, though, both survive and are doing better than doctor's ever expected. Sondra McCarthy, 27, can walk now and is working on improving her speech and memory. Lexi celebrates her first birthday today (Technically on the day this article came out, it was "tomorrow").

"It's been a very long year for us and our entire family. I'm very happy it's over," said Jim McCarthy. "One day (at a time). That's how we take it because one day is also all that it took for things to change like this for us. Things can happen so quickly." (Yay for me and cliches!)

The McCarthy family will celebrate the anniversary this weekend in Janesville with family and friends.

"I have a lot of people to thank and help. There's no way to even begin helping them," McCarthy said. "There's been so many people, even strangers, who have helped us during the year. The first thing I will do when I have some more time is help others in return." (Boy I sound like a putz)

A year ago, the day started out like any other for the McCarthy's. It was hot and McCarthy was in his air conditioned office where he works at home as a computer programmer. Sondra McCarthy, pregnant with Lexi, complained of a headache early in the day and went to lie down. When she woke up, McCarthy noticed she was "talking funny... like she was still asleep." (To be fair, I got central air the following summer, the only reason my office was air conditioned and not the rest of the house was due to all of the hardware I work with...)

By 8:30 p.m., he became worried because her mumbling hadn't stop and her headache hadn't go away. They were ready to drive to Mercy Medical Center when Sondra collapsed and started screaming.

An hour later, the ambulance took her to the emergency room where McCarthy was told his wife was bleeding in the left temporal and frontal lopes of her brain and was causing stroke-like symptoms. By 2 a.m. she was on a helicopter flight to Meriter Hospital in Madison. Doctors expected her to die of a brain death on the way there. (Technically she was put on a helicopter flight to UW-Hospital in Madison, by the time my family and I drove out there UW Hospital was putting her on the chopper to Meriter, as good as UW is, Meriter had the neo-natal unit needed for Lexi.)

When McCarthy got to the Madison hospital around 5 a.m., the surgeon approached him with one question, "Who do you want to save? Your wife or your baby?" McCarthy said they told him if he saved his wife, she would "be a vegetable," not able to walk or talk again. (Doctors are always such optomistic folk)

"The surgeon asked me to make a decision in case it came down to them making that decision," McCarthy said. "I was told that in order to treat the stroke, they needed to give Sondra medicines that would hurt the baby. The brain surgery would also cause blood pressure and the oxygen level in her body to change and effect the baby. But to take the baby first would have the same effect on Sondra."

Family members pleaded with him to save Sondra McCarthy. He finally agreed.

"In my mind, the baby was there and I love the baby, but she wasn't tangible yet. I thought about what I was going to do if I lost Sondra and I thought about Jaime (their 5-year-old son) losing his mommy they're very close, they spend all their time together every day. I told the surgeon, 'Sondra,'" he said. (This whole thing is probably the most troubling experience I've had in my life, surrounded by Sondra's family and asked to choose...and no matter what you choose, in the end it all sucks. Just glad it worked out.)

In the end, the doctors decided take the baby by caesarian before doing the brain surgery on Sondra. At the same time (Actually two days later...), a section of one of Lexi McCarthy's feeding tubes, the size of a 3 inch long linguini noodle, unexpected clipped off in her blood stream.

"The nurses and doctors had never had this happen before and no one knew what to do. Lexi was smaller than most dolls and it was hard for them to find the piece," McCarthy said. The chip worked its way through her heart where doctors feared it would get stuck. However, it ended up in an artery near her pelvis. To remove, doctors performed invasive surgery on Lexi to get it out. (What goes unsaid here is how awsome neo-natal unit doctors and nurses are, they are amazing folks who were just as upset about everything that happened there as we were.)

The day Sondra came out of her coma, McCarthy said he and his family celebrated by going out to dinner. (40oz steak at the Prime Quarter...mmmmmmm....)

"Until then, you numb yourself to everything around you and just let things happen," McCarthy said. "There wasn't a thing I could do. I couldn't even think." (I read Harry Potter and watched the first season of Survivor unfold...)

Sondra McCarthy remained hospitalized for three months and Lexi McCarthy, two (closer to three...).

Jim didn't leave Sondra's side while she was in the hospital, and has continued to be at her side throughout this year, his mother, Bev McCarthy said. "He just never gave up on her at any point in that year. Some people would say, 'give it up Jim' and he'd say 'No, I married her and I'm with her.' I'm not sure if many people can do what he did," Bev McCarthy said. (See now, Mom, she interviews well...)

Dr. Kenneth Viste, Sondra's neurologist at Mercy Medial Center, said stroke is the third leading cause of death and disability in the United States after heart disease and cancer. In Sondra's case, her stroke mainly affected the communication part of her brain.

"The doctors say what you see after a year, is how she'll be for probably the rest of her life," McCarthy said. "She's improved a lot in one year. I still can't leave her alone to go the grocery store but she's able to help around the house, feed and bath Lexi. She does her best to be an adult again." (In the 5 years after this article she has continued to improve greatly.)

"She's changed though," he said. "Her personality has changed and we've had some very difficult times in the year... but I love my wife. I love her too much to leave her," McCarthy said.

"Every one calls him Saint Jim," (You would not believe how much crap I got for that comment...) Bev McCarthy said. "Trying to work out of his home and also take care of Sondra and his kids 24 hours a day is very difficult. We're there to help out a lot too but he has full responsibilties."

"It would have been impossible for me to handle this without the support we got from people in the community. Dawn Marrotz (They butchered Dawn's last name, which if I recall correctly is Marowitz.) who cleans my house for free (Dawn was indeed awsome, but I did pay her :) ) and my mom's co-workers and boss who pooled their pay from time-off together give Mom a month off to help me, the family members I hadn't seen for years who stop by the cook and help out. People are far better than I ever gave them credit for," McCarthy said. (I am indeed a cynical bastard.)